


I can't be mad (I gave you my heart to break)

by cypherwylie



Category: High School Musical: The Musical: The Series (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Mutual Pining, a lot of video games metaphors it probably gets annoying.. sorry about that i guess, as i wrote gina all i was thinking was "girl you are dumb" but hey i am attached to her, dumb kids in love, elite spoilers i think?, gina is afraid to trust people, if you squint you can see the half of it influence, kinda projected myself onto gina here ngl, oblivious gina porter, oh my god she stresses me out and i wrote her, ricky is a simp basically, ricky is just whipped, tried to be all philosophical with my writing but it probably looks dumb
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:25:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23974420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cypherwylie/pseuds/cypherwylie
Summary: Gina Porter knew exactly what Ricky Bowen wanted from her, yet that did not stop her from falling in love
Relationships: Ricky Bowen/Gina Porter
Comments: 1
Kudos: 30





	I can't be mad (I gave you my heart to break)

**Author's Note:**

> The original title was supposed to be sycophants but as it went on the definition of the word start to fit less and I had to change so I had go through my apple music to find lyrics that I think would fit the story and good enough for a title so it's [I Can't Be Mad by Nathan Sykes](https://open.spotify.com/track/0Xl8k5SU4uUl1rwlIrKx8M)
> 
> Once again, my first language isn't english and this is beta'd by me so there are probably mistakes i missed because i completed the sentence automatically in my head
> 
> Part 1: Gina Porter  
> Part 2: Ricky Bowen

Gina Porter knows a little about unhealthy relationships. The whole ‘keep your friends close and your enemies closer’ cliché _ness_ of the rich lifestyle has some truth to it. Gina thinks that if she knows what she gets herself into, she can control any relationship. But she comes to learn that she can’t really control everything, and there is a reason on why what’s unhealthy is what sells more in this world.

Ricky Bowen. _An asshole._ Gina would simply put it. There is no other way to describe him. Okay, _fake_ would be another adjective perfect for the guy. But that would be hypocritical of Gina because she also didn’t start the relationship with honesty.

It’s alright, though. Ricky Bowen is the perfect guy Gina wants to date. And, she knows she is the perfect girl he wants to date.

Ricky Bowen is no stranger to Gina. They share the same group of friends. They eat at the same lunch table. They go to the same group outings. Yet, Ricky and Gina knew nothing of each other that went beyond their first and last names.

Despite their minimal interaction with each other, it didn’t surprise Gina the moment Ricky acknowledges her existence with a simple and quick _good morning_ the day after learning that her father is the CEO of a record label. Ricky ‘my longest relationship is with my guitar’ Bowen would never be this predictable. _Obviously._ But Gina doesn’t really mind because Ricky is unorganised, messy, rude and, completely below her father standards. (And, also her own but that’s not something she deems important.)

So, Gina knows a little about unhealthy relationships. Afterall, she witnessed her parents growing up. Her relationship with her dad is also not the healthiest. Hence, she knew better than to get it into one. But playing with Ricky to get on her father’s nerves is fun. And, if he wants to use her while she uses him, she sees no problem with that. But if he doesn’t know that he is being used, he shouldn’t have started this game of feelings in the first place.

“Now what’s got our diamond princess so deep in thought?” asks Ricky, sitting next to her on the lunch table and Gina almost snorts at that. Ricky wouldn’t ever sit next to her, just like she wouldn’t ever sit next to him.

“Just how beautiful your curls look.” She smiles exaggeratedly.

“You were calling them unwashed the other day.” He smirks.

“We all have a change of mind, don’t we? Or, isn’t that why you’re talking to me?” Gina bats her eyelashes innocently, a model smile on her face as she looks at Ricky. The boy nods and bites on his pizza, turning his attention to Big Red who looks at him with a disappointed look evident on his face. Gina guesses the redhead probably doesn’t approve of the game Ricky is trying to play.

“Gina, can I talk to you?” EJ asks with a frown on his face before getting off the table without waiting for an answer, confident that Gina would follow. “You do know he is just using you, right?” He says once they’re out of earshot from the group. “Everybody knows. He could be my friend but I care about you more and I will put him in his place if I have to.”

Gina smiles at EJ, “thank you, EJ, but you don’t have to worry. I know he is using me. He couldn’t even let twenty-four hours settle on the fact that my father is a music producer before he was acting all friendly and I honestly don’t care. It’s fun to see him try hard and think I’m the oblivious one in all of this. All I want him for is to piss off my shitty of a father who thinks he can control my life and who I date.”

EJ looks softens up before holding both of Gina’s hand. “Is he trying to set you up with his friends’ sons, again?”

“Yeah. And unfortunately, not all of them are as nice as you were when I turned you down.” Gina laughs lightly. “My father called me a spoiled, ungrateful child when I mentioned it to him last time. Apparently, I should be thankful of him taking me in when no one else would. I’m a burden as it is.” She lets out another short sarcastic laugh that gets muffled as EJ reaches out for a hug. Even as she feels tears prickling her eyes, she doesn’t allow herself to cry. The tears for her father have long gone been shed.

“Ya know I’m always here for you. But I honestly don’t understand why you have to involve Ricky in this. It will only make your father angrier.” EJ says, still not letting Gina go from the hug.

“Bowen involved himself the moment he decided it would be good to use me to get to my father. Besides, I want my father angrier. I won’t let him control my life and I definitely am not going to live under his roof forever. I have some money saved but I’m trying to find a job now.” Gina sighs, finally letting go of EJ and smiles at the boy to make him believe she is alright now. EJ doesn’t believe it and, she knows he doesn’t, but he also doesn’t push it and for that she is thankful.

“Hmm, the diner Ricky and I work at is in need of staff. It’s not exactly dreamland but I think a rich kid like you can handle it.” EJ laughs. “Now c’mon, class is about to start.”

Gina spends no time going from her after school dance club to the small local diner filled with students. It’s not a place she likes to frequent due to the fact that it’s right opposite her father’s label. It’s often filled with staff members she is already too familiar with. The first time she even stepped into the diner a few months back she had her father trailing behind her for a father-daughter meal because one of his assistants had told him about seeing her. Gina snorts recalling the time her father actually cared about getting a father of the year award.

“Look who we have here,” Ricky speaks loudly. “What is a princess like you doing in a common cheap place like this one? I thought you hated the diner.” He smirks, hands stretched on the counter as he looks at her.

“Turns out I don’t. I’m applying for a job here.”

“You do know you have to work yourself, right? This is not a bring your own maid type of job.” Ricky crosses his arms and smirks at her. If there is one thing Gina was getting tired of, it would be Ricky’s smirk. The boy isn’t able to do anything else and it is an irritating habit to have for someone with a personality like his.

“Bowen, you amuse me. Shouldn’t you be serving customers instead of riling me up?” Gina lets out a fake smile. “Anyways, where is your manager?” Ricky sighs and points it to the side where one of workers is preparing a smoothie. Gina smiles in acknowledgment and moves to the other side of the diner.

“Hey, diamond princess,” Gina turns back “would you like to stay with me after work? I finish in ten minutes.” Gina looks at him attentively. The boy was just mocking her a few seconds ago and yet seems to lack self-awareness. Gina fights the will to laugh at him and smiles instead while letting out a small nod.

“Okay, Bowen.” Says Gina. She finally makes her way to the manager.

Evidently, the manager is not impressed with Gina’s lack of skills or experience but Gina eventually gets the job. Following that, Gina remains in the booth she was just interviewed at waiting for Ricky to finish.

“Ready to go?” Ricky asks once he reaches her booth.

“Where are you taking me, Bowen?”

“Calm down, Porter. I will take you somewhere worthy of a princess like you.” Gina follows him outside where his infamous and extremely ugly orange car is parked. “It’s not exactly the limo you take to school but it will do, yeah?” Gina rolls her eyes but doesn’t bother to correct him on the fact she takes the bus to school. It’s an insignificant detail.

The ride is silent, save for the radio playing a song Gina is not really familiar with. Gina drums her fingers on her thigh to the rhythm of the song and keeps her eyes looking forward, avoiding any possible small talk she could have with Ricky as he drives them to wherever he is taking her. It seems like he has the same idea because he also doesn’t attempt for the small talk and instead hums along to the song overpowering the stretchy silence between the two teenagers.

It doesn’t take much longer than that. Gina counts it at one and half songs to reach the destination. Ricky parks the car and without saying anything he leaves the car to take his skateboard out of the trunk. He taps Gina’s window “you’re coming or spending the night there? Porter, are you into hotboxing?” Gina rolls her eyes at Ricky’s laugh and decides to ignore the comment.

“You took me to a skatepark?” she asks.

“It’s not exactly a royal garden but I think it’s nice enough for Salt Lake City’s princess.” Before Gina has chance to reply Ricky is skating away and Gina manages to find a place to sit, taking her phone out and replying to EJ on her whereabouts.

Gina observes Ricky in his element. The boy is not ugly, Gina never thought he was ugly. She also never thought he was pretty. Cute, maybe, but never pretty. But right now, seeing Ricky relaxed, a genuine smile on his face, wind bouncing his curls just right, Gina can say he looks pretty. It’s not a breath-taking beauty, he is far from that. Far too common of a guy for Gina to call him beautiful. But Ricky is _pretty_.

“What did you think of my skills, princess?” Ricky asks once sitting next to her, something she hadn’t even noticed. Unsatisfied for the lack of an answer, Ricky continues, “how about I teach how to ride a skateboard. It’s therapeutic, ya know?” He extends her hand for her to hold.

Gina stares at him for a second, not really understanding where is Ricky going with all of this. Is making her feel like he cares, like he could be a friend, part of his game? He is not looking at her like she is some part of an inside joke like he did just a few days prior. But he is also not looking at her like she really matters. Still she knows better than to let herself be swayed. He wants something from her and she wants something from him. There’s no reason to cross that line and to start caring about his actual wellbeing. That’s more trouble than Ricky Bowen has ever been worth.

“What makes you think I don’t know how to ride one?” She raises her eyebrow, a playful smile gracing her lips because they both know she is bluffing.

He scoffs, “please.” Gina rolls her eyes, a habit she picked up with Ricky. “So, are you coming or not?” Only then Gina notices she still hasn’t taken his hand. She grins lightly and holds his hand, letting him push her to the middle of the skatepark. He places the skateboard he has been holding on the floor and holds her other hand, helping her stand on it. “We start slow, yeah? One foot on the skateboard and another dragging you.”

Gina follows his instructions, never letting go of Ricky’s hands as he drags her across the skatepark.

“Well done, princess. Now try it by yourself.” Says Ricky.

“Wait,” Gina stops him from letting go. “Why do we even call me princess or diamond princess?” She is not really interested, and she can see from Ricky’s amused smile that he is not fooled either.

“Well, remember that first day you sat at our lunch table and EJ introduced you to us?” He plays along. Gina nods because she remembers that day. It was her first day in the new school and she was nervous because she had just started living with his dad so everything was completely terrifying and new to her. “I remember you were hungry because you forgot your wallet but you were too embarrassed to ask us.” Gina stops moving looking at him curiously, yet Ricky shifted his gaze to the floor, clearing his throat before continuing. “I offered you my sandwich and you looked at it so weirdly and unamused before shaking your head. Which I thought you were just too shy to accept it, but then Carlos offered you his salad and Nini offered the rest of her strawberries, and you smiled so much and thanked them. Of course, I thought that the new rich girl was too pretentious to eat such a common sandwich.”

Gina laughs loudly, “is that why you hate me?”

Ricky grins at her, “I don’t hate you. I just know how to hold a grudge and think you’re a little stuck up.”

She rolls her eyes at the comment, “Bowen, you dumbass, I’m allergic to nuts.” She smiles lightly. “You were looking at me so intensely I was too shy to say anything at all. But I definitely did not ignore your horribly made sandwich because I was too much of a spoiled brat to eat it.”

“Oh,” he says. “Well, that makes me feel stupid.”

“You don’t need any help for that.” Gina giggles. “Say, is diamond princess just amusing to say or is there a reason for being so specific?” Ricky is silent for a while, staring at her like he is thinking of what to say next.

“You’re beautiful, right?” He starts. Gina looks at him confused and asks him _what_ before the boy allows himself to continue. “C’mon you must know you’re beautiful. Aren’t diamonds also precious? I don’t know, you just look like someone who deserves the same care as a diamond.” Ricky clears his throat again in their conversation. “Why are you so flustered? It’s like no one has ever complimented you.”

“I’m not flustered.” She scoffs.

“Then why are you blushing?”

“I’m not.” Before Ricky could say anything else EJ calls them from behind.

“Hey Gi,” says EJ.

“What are you doing here?” she asks.

“You were upset earlier. That’s why I asked you where you were, so we could spend some time together.” He beams at her. “I was thinking we could watch Élite again while we eat ice cream.”

“My favourite.” She smiles.

“I know,” EJ says. Ricky let’s go of her hands and she takes that as a sign to get down from his skateboard and for some reason Gina wouldn’t mind staying here with Ricky. Thoughts about her father or the conversation she had with EJ just earlier in the day were all the way at the back of her mind. “Ricky you coming?” EJ asks once Gina was at his side.

Ricky stares at them intently for a second longer than Gina finds comfortable. She thinks that maybe, _maybe,_ he wouldn’t have minded staying with her just a little longer. Instead, he smiles, and Gina might not know how Ricky Bowen smiles, but she knows she doesn’t really like that one. “Now why would a rag doll like me want to spend time with the diamond princess and her charming prince?” Or, _not_. Maybe only Gina felt like spending time with Ricky.

She rolls her eyes “is that a no, then?” Ricky nods. “Bye, Bowen.” EJ gives a short nod and wave.

Ricky waves back “bye, Porter.”

“I thought this was just a game.” EJ sighs. Gina could feel his concerned gaze even though she’s avoiding looking at him. She knows that if she looks at him EJ would read her like a book.

“What do you mean?” she asks oblivious.

“You know what I mean. You looked bothered when I appeared and even more disappointed when Ricky said he wouldn’t hang out with us. If you’re catching feelings, I will end this right now because I am not letting him hurt you.”

“I’m not,” she whispers unconvincingly. She is not because she knows what she is doing. She involved herself in the game. She decided to play along with Ricky and she is _having fun_. He’s using her to get a record deal and she is using him back to upset her dick of a father. “I’m not.” She’s _not._

They travel back to EJ’s house, Ricky long forgotten as they talk about anything else that comes to mind from the skatepark to the comfort of EJ’s room.

“Season one is definitely the superior season before they fucked up Omar and Ander,” EJ says as he looks for the show on.

“But season two gave us Valerio, and Samuel and Carla were surprisingly a great pairing.” Gina remarks. “As long as we’re all forgetting the existence of the third.”

“So, we rewatch season one and two only?” EJ asks already putting play on the show and sitting next to her on the bed.

“Of course.” Says Gina. “Thank you.”

EJ looks at her and gives her a wide smile. “You’re my little sister, you know that, right? I’ll always be a shoulder for you to cry on. And if you don’t want to cry, I’m still a shoulder you can rest on. Anything you need, just call me.”

“I know.”

Gina finds herself busier than she ever thought possible. Between the dance club, cheerleading, theatre club, and her new job at the diner, Gina is much too exhausted to think about Ricky. She pressed pause on the game and logged out for a while. Like yeah, it was exciting and new at first, but the hype is long gone and after a few rounds and levels, she is just not bothered to keep the streak. However, Ricky does not seem to get the memo, because he is still pressing buttons and rounding the area for the other player.

At first, Gina doesn’t care, and even finds it amusing to see the other boy trying so hard. But then, she finds herself want to revisit the game she had long put on pause.

“Heads out of clouds, Porter. The waffles for table two are ready,” Ricky says from behind her and arms going round her to place the plate, chest almost pressed to her back, because _of course_ he couldn’t have gone to her side, and _of course_ he had to smile like that right above her shoulder.

Gina ignores him. She also ignores EJ’s knowing gaze from the other corner of the counter where he is cleaning cups for milkshakes. She moves herself to the other side of the counter so she can pick up the waffles for table two and returns to pick up her next order. That’s how she spends the night, between Ricky’s remarks and EJ’s ‘you better be careful’ looks.

“Our sweet princess is getting the hang of this, isn’t she?” Ricky asks, smile playing on his lips as he stacks up the chairs on the tables.

“It’s just us here, Bowen. Please stop talking like that, it’s weird.”

“No, but I am being serious. A few weeks ago, you could barely clean a damn table and now look at you, doing closing and whatnot.” He smiles.

“Thanks, Bowen.”

“Hey, Porter,” Gina hums in acknowledgment, “you’ve been kind of distracted lately, and you don’t have to talk to me about it, but if maybe you wanna hang out after this,” he trails off, words getting quieter by the second half of the sentence.

Gina smiles, ready to agree when EJ comes in next to her.

“Finish cleaning up at the back. Ready to go?” He asks.

Gina looks at him and looks back at Ricky, whose smile was no longer decorating his face. Something about that fact satisfied Gina, but she couldn’t quite understand why.

“I’m hanging out with Bowen, now. You can join us if you want.” Gina replies.

“Nah, I have studying to do,” says EJ, already walking away, “Next time.”

“Bummer,” she hears Ricky saying from behind them. “Ready to go?”

“We’re going to the skate park again?”

“You wanna go somewhere else?”

Gina shrugs, “just asking, really.”

Ricky nods and they just keep walking, nothing really being said between them. “It’s my safe place,” he says after a while, “I go there when I need to think. There’s something relaxing about the wind hitting my face, like I have no problems to worry about, no solution to solve, just me and my board in the moment.”

“You have something on your mind, then?”

“No. But you do, and maybe, I thought, maybe the skate park could help?” He brushes his fingers through his curls. “I don’t really know you that well. I don’t know what’s your safe place. But we had fun last time we came here, didn’t we?”

Gina smiles. There is something comforting about Ricky in this exact moment.

“I guess we did.”

“Right. So, if you wanna clear your mind, talk to me, or anything, really, you can do it in my safe place.”

There is something comforting about Ricky, but it’s quite irritating that it lacks sincerity. Gina has to remind herself that he wants something from her. Does he really care, she thinks, but does she really care either?

“My father found out that I’m working at the diner,” she starts, “Apparently it’s an embarrassing job for me to do. He got angry at me and offered me an internship of sorts on his record label. And, you’re probably thinking what’s so bad about that? But I don’t want him to control my life, and I don’t want to spend even more time with him.”

Ricky hums quietly, “we all have home problems. I haven’t spoken with my mom since she left me to go to Chicago.”

“Mommy and daddy issues, we’re a great match,” says Gina.

“We’re perfect for each other, aren’t we?” Ricky laughs.

They fall silent after that. Ricky hops on his board does a few rounds around the skatepark. Gina joins him along the way, laughing every time she falls from the board, body feeling warmer as Ricky holds her hands and helps her to skate.

Gina _almost_ thinks they’re becoming friends. Almost.

If they weren’t playing around, that is.

There is this thing Gina has going on with Ricky. It’s not a friendship. It’s not exactly a romantic relationship as well. They flirt here and there but they’re not seeking each other out. It’s like Ricky knows Gina has been keeping her distance. Even if Gina herself doesn’t really understand why she is keeping her distance. She just feels like she has to. He is more careful, his actions are more paced, and they’re in this weird limbo. In a limbo where the past three weeks they’ve hang out a total of fourteen nights (she counted), like they’re stuck on a level and can’t quite get past this certain obstacle so they can go forward.

Strangely, being stuck is nice and sweet and comfortable. And, Gina really likes it. She definitely likes being in this weird undefined zone of their relationship. She

has time to collect herself because it feels like she bought the game and even though it has been fun playing it, it’s also addictive and she needs that break and for things to slow down. She needs that particular difficult level to ground her and let her catch a breath.

But like all games, when you’re stuck in a level, you get used to it and you eventually can go forward. And you’re back for another round in an all too familiar scenario. Which for Gina is the skatepark.

It comes all too unexpectedly because first thing she remembers is having dinner with her father.

“One of my assistants saw you getting cosy with one of your co-workers,” he says.

Gina rolls her eyes and sighs, words coming out a little more hostile than intended. “I’m working, how could I possibly be getting cosy with anyone?”

“Don’t speak with me in that tone.”

“What tone?” Gina asks, setting her cutlery down. “You already have a problem with me working and now with whoever I talk with?”

“I just don’t think you should be dating people like that.” He sighs.

“Like what? Hardworking? EJ works there and as far as I know, you love EJ. You practically pimped me out to him right in the first week I moved here with you.”

“Regina!” he shouts.

“What? Is that not what you’re doing? Setting me up with your friends’ sons in disguise of looking after my future? So what I’m flirting with a co-worker? Are you gonna buy him out of my life?”

“Regina, I just want what is best for you.”

“No, you want what’s best for _you_. Because setting me up on dates with guys I don’t know that feel entitled to things I’m not obligated to offer, helps your own career, not mine.” Gina stands up from her seat, ignoring her father angry calls as she leaves the room.

She texts Ricky, not really knowing why. Maybe, she is tired of bothering EJ. Maybe she really just wants to spend time with Ricky. All she knows is that as she picks up her phone and opens the messages app, she decides on opening her chat with Ricky instead.

**skatepark?**

She doesn’t wait to see if Ricky texted her back but the notification sound as she put her phone back in her pocket indicates that he did.

The Uber ride to the skatepark goes quicker than Gina would’ve liked. Just a few minutes ago she was sure she didn’t want to see anyone but Ricky, but right as she steps down from the car and thanks the driver, she is not so sure if that’s the case.

She walks down the familiar path to see Ricky already there, already smiling at her from afar. Ricky waves and motions for Gina to sit beside him in the all too familiar steps. None of them say anything for the following minutes and Gina can feel Ricky’s gaze on her and she knows he wants to say something, if the excessive tapping on his skateboard is anything to go by.

“Wanna talk about it?”

“Not really,” she says. “I don’t really know what to even talk about. Had an argument with my father and left. Contemplated on whether to text you or EJ but he already has so much to deal with like university and senior year, I didn’t want to add my problems even though I know he would listen to me.” That’s a lie, because Gina simply just preferred texting Ricky. But she wasn’t about to tell him that. “Not that you’re second best,” she continues, “but we’re not as close, I guess. Still you said I can use your safe place and I can talk to you, so here I am, talking to you.”

“So, you decided to bother me instead of your boyfriend?” Ricky adds, jokingly.

“EJ is not my boyfriend, _eww_.”

“Details. You guys have something going on, that’s almost the same thing.”

Gina looks at him confused, “what are you even talking about? EJ and I are friends. _Just_ friends. I’m an inch of being adopted into his family.”

“So, you’re nothing more?”

“No,” she says confused.

“Good,” she sees Ricky smile, “Before it didn’t bother me. Or, I just didn’t care to notice. But now, it’s like all I notice and all I seem to care about. And, I am bothered by it. I am bothered every time I am with you and he interrupts and makes you smile.”

Gina almost let’s out a scoff because that’s a good one. Gina almost falls for his words. And, Gina almost thinks they’re genuine. She is almost swayed by his words. But Gina knows better, and she won’t let Ricky Bowen fool her. Even if she feels her heart pump out of her chest, loud and clear, that she is afraid Ricky can hear it as well, and the smile on her face is hard to mask. The words are nice, she admits, but Ricky Bowen has much to learn before he makes a fool out of her.

He looks at her like he wants to say something else but instead he gets himself closer. Gina feels the moment pass in slow motion, like she could put every second by frame and recall step by step. And it goes like this: Pretty brown eyes looking directly at her. Warm hands on her cheeks. Ricky’s fluttering eyelashes, once, twice, before fixing his gaze on her lips and then back to her eyes. He gets closer, lips lightly brushing on hers.

“Are you going to kiss me when we’re not even friends?” she whispers, eyes never leaving his.

Ricky holds her gaze, “do we need to be friends to kiss?”

No, we don’t, she thinks. They stay like that for a few more seconds, and when Ricky’s hand leaves her cheek, part of her misses that warm feeling.

They don’t look at each other, Ricky’s feet on skateboard, eyes concentrated on it as it goes back and forth. That’s the only sound she hears as she looks at the dark sky with almost no stars to look at. She feels Ricky’s pinkie finger touch hers and Gina looks back at him, the boy has a sneaky smile on him like he knows what he is doing but won’t look at her for confirmation. Gina smiles and links her pinkie to his.

They spend the rest of the night like that, in the comfortable silent, pinkies holding each other, and smiles resting comfortably on their faces.

Spending time with Ricky is easy, Gina finds. That almost kiss, that lingering feeling of Ricky’s lips touching hers, crosses her mind almost everyday in that month. Yet, as surprisingly as it is for Gina, Ricky doesn’t make things weird. Hence Gina does not make things weird even though she _feels_ weird.

Ricky takes her to different places that aren’t just the skatepark. Places worthy of a princess, he says. They almost feel like dates but neither of them is calling it that. But they _are_ dates. Gina knows they are.

There is one time where he takes her to this retro music store, where the decoration looks so aesthetical and cinematographic. She imagines being in that store, going through the perfectly ordered vinyl collections and her love interest opposite to her – it could be Ricky, she doesn’t know – doing the exact same thing as her, and they pick up the same Bon Jovi vinyl, or whatever indie rock band would be cool enough for a 90s movie. She tells Ricky that, that it’s the perfect place for a cute meet up of a coming of age film and he laughs at her.

He goes to the other side of the stand but Gina pays no mind until her hand softly touches his when she tries to pick up an Amy Winehouse vinyl and she looks up to see Ricky grinning at her.

“Looks like we have the same taste. I’m Ricky Bowen.” He extends his hand and Gina laughs loudly attracting a few onlookers before extending her own and shaking his hand.

“Hi Ricky. I’m Gina Porter.”

It’s the first time she called him by his name.

There is another ~~date~~ day they went out to a fair outside of town. It was her idea this time so she is the one that picks up Ricky from his house and drives them as a surprise. The curly haired boy does nothing but jump on his seat while he beams at her, singing along to whatever songs would play from her own phone. Gina just never realised Ricky would be scared of rides because within ten minutes of being inside the fair Gina sees herself holding Ricky’s hand and her heart skipping a beat at his wide relieved smile that just seemed permanently painted on his face throughout the whole evening. She takes him to bumper cars in which he whines for leaving him dizzy, and she takes him to one of the wildest rides that ascends them all the way to the top before falling in full velocity. It takes almost half an hour of convincing and intertwining their fingers together when they sit for the ride for Ricky to join.

He pouts after, eyes watery, but Gina goes back to intertwining their fingers and the boy rolls his eyes before taking her to a ride that he wants to go next since it's his turn.

Gina laughs at him for taking him to a Ferris wheel and Ricky beams at her so brightly on what could have the hundredth time that evening and says he loves seeing the people from up there and it’s a great place to collect his thoughts. He takes his phone out for a selfie with her and Gina scolds him for almost letting it fall before they burst out laughing.

The scenery is a teen movie cliché and reminds her of _Love Simon,_ so Gina tells him exactly that (again). Ricky smiles, holds her cheek with his right hand, a finger lightly pressing on her jaw, pinkie slightly - heavy enough in a way that it’s purposely meant for her to feel it - caressing her neck just under her jaw giving her chills throughout her whole body. They’re such weird unimportant details but Gina has a sensational feeling bursting through her for each part that Ricky’s hand is touching.

“Are we friends now?” He whispers. But he pulls away and they don’t kiss.

Gina takes him home afterwards and Ricky places a chapped kiss to her cheek with a whispered _thank you_ leaving his lips before he is out of the car and running to his front door.

Gina lets out a breath, a smile stretching on her face as she waves goodbye and drives away.

_It’s not a date,_ she says to herself.

Yet, she knows it was.

Each day is spent different and Gina feels this pressing sensation on her heart that she doesn’t really understand much and prefers to ignore.

EJ does not approve of it and makes sure to remind her of that every time they meet up. Gina is tired of all the metaphors she makes but she swears she is hooked to this game and she can’t set it down until she finally completes it. And if she is going slower than it needs to be, she’s deciding to ignore it.

Then she is back to the place she loves to be with Ricky the most.

She loves it because Ricky looks so peaceful and comfortable on his board and seeing him like that does that same pressing feeling to her heart.

“Ya know, you’ve been getting really good at this. It doesn’t hurt to practise some more.”

“Some other time,” Gina replies. “Sit with me. Let’s talk.” Ricky does as follow.

“What do you even want to talk about?”

“I don’t know… honestly, I just don’t want to skate and my phone is out almost battery.” She says.

“You used to move a lot with your mom, right?” Gina nods. “What was your favourite place to be?”

“Here… I know you meant the cities I lived with my mom, and I’ve told you how much I hate to be with my father, but here is the place I love the most. I’ve met EJ, and you, and every one of our friends. It just feels like if I blink it will all just go away.” Gina sighs, “sometimes I’m afraid of opening my eyes in case I dreamed of having a life as good as this one. A place where I feel like I belong, with people I want to know for the rest of my life.” Gina pauses for a few seconds before continuing, “this is the place I love the most, even if I’m living with someone that I hate the most. Some people are just worth the four hours a day I have to see my father.”

Gina smiles and looks at Ricky who is mirroring her smile.

“Like me,” he says.

Gina laughs, “I guess.”

He asks her another question, and then more after. Gina occasionally asks him a few questions too and they’re both laughing over each other’s childhoods antics until there is a soft comfortable silence between them.

There is only three other people at the skatepark, Gina notices, and she knows it must be later than she thinks it is, indicating they’ve spent hours just talking to each other.

“Okay, last question,” says Ricky. “When was your first kiss?”

“And why are you interested in that?”

“Isn’t that something friends know about each other?” Ricky grins.

“No, I don’t think it is,” she laughs, “plus are we even friends, Ricky?” _Or are we something more?_

“C’mon, you just called me Ricky. We must be friends.” _Or something more_ , she thinks.

“I never had my first kiss.”

“Never?” Gina shakes her head.

Ricky looks at her, gaze shifting between her lips to her eyes, like he is asking for permission. Gina doesn’t know if she should nod or say something, but it’s when she looks at his lips that she sees Ricky coming closer.

He cups her face, and Gina leaves her hands resting at her sides on the concrete, not really knowing what to do with them. His lips then touch her hers. A soft peck at first, then he presses their lips together, following by a pull of her bottom lips and helping and guiding Gina through the kiss.

Gina might not know how kisses go but she knows she loves this one. It makes her body tremble, and she feels a million volts through her. She keeps pulling Ricky’s lips back on hers afraid he wants to pull away while she’s so high and the moment is feeling so intense. She can’t really rationalise her thoughts, barely recalls her own name as she grips Ricky’s shirt by his waist. And despite the whole electric feeling and the wooziness of it all, the kiss feels like a melody. It feels an acoustic song plays just for them with soft notes of a piano accompanied with the strums of guitar.

They pull away both looking to catch a breath and smiles so wide and only rivalling each other. She can’t she see her own face but Ricky’s cheeks hold a pretty rose blush and she imagines she must look the same.

“How was that for a first kiss?” Ricky says, smile never leaving his face.

“If you ask, it kills the mood,” she replies, blushing even brighter.

Ricky just keeps smiling and looking at her, specially at her lips like he wants to steal another. Gina wouldn’t mind that at all.

He grins once again and scoots closer, bringing his head closer and gives her a quick peck on the lips.

There’s a giggle, Gina is sure. She is kind of dazed with all these kisses but she's sure she hears a giggle. From her, or from Ricky, or from both. Probably from both because their smiles still haven’t left their faces.

Then Ricky is looking at her so intensely. Gina feels a squeeze on her heart, and she doesn’t know if that’s a good thing or not.

“Stop looking at me like that. It will make me believe you’re genuinely in love with me.” She says.

Ricky smiles widely. That one smile that Gina hates, the one that reaches his eyes and they shape into soft crescent moons and the light reflects just in the right places that they actually seem like they’re holding a galaxy.

“What if I am?” he asks.

And it’s the way that it takes those five seconds that she reacts to it where no time has passed for Ricky but Gina is feeling every second like it’s an hour in itself. Her breath gets stuck in her throat, her heart accelerates, and her eyes are too focused on Ricky’s smile. That’s when Gina finally knows that feeling because Ricky might not be in love with her but she is in love with Ricky.

“I would fall in love with you, too” she says.

Ricky’s smile doesn’t falter and Gina surrenders herself in this game because Ricky Bowen made her a fool and she knows she lost.

“I’m in love with Ricky,” she tells EJ that same night in his room.

“We been knew,” he jokes, earning a shove from Gina which makes him laugh.

“This is serious. What am I supposed to do?” she frowns.

“Gina, you know exactly what you have to do. Talk to him and clear things out because I am absolutely sure he is in love with you too.”

“Doubt it.”

“It’s true,” EJ says, “but if you don’t want to believe it, you should at least end this so you don’t get hurt.”

Gina knows EJ is right. Not about the reciprocated feelings part, but on the fact that she has to tell Ricky the truth before she is neck deep in her feelings for the boy.

She tries. She swears she tries to do so when she sees him right the next day.

But he is sending her a text to meet him outside her house as soon as she wakes up, hugging her so tightly with a grunt coming out of his lips before he drags her to his car to this little cosy café where they have breakfast together.

And she would tell him then if it wasn’t for the charming smile playing on his lips, the shy giggles he lets out every now and then as he looks at her. It almost feels like the day before mattered to him as much as it mattered to her and she is fine pretending for a few more hours that Ricky Bowen likes her. It’s fine if she is a little more selfish.

He takes her hands, fingers intertwined, and walks with her around town to nowhere in specific.

Nothing really happens besides the two of them talking and laughing as they walk around, skate park forgotten for one day.

They stop at a park close to his house and spend most of their times on the swings chatting for the hours they have left.

They part ways and, Gina promises to do it another time.

Except, next time doesn’t work either.

Ricky is corny, Gina comes to understand. He places a kiss on her hand every time they part ways. Takes her from class to class at school and Gina avoids looking at her group of friends for their know-it-all looks. She specially avoids EJ because she knows exactly what he is trying to do with every accusation look he gives her.

Ricky stares at her and compliments her in the cheesiest ways, it’s annoyingly endearing. So, what she is selfish enough to keep wanting for Ricky to call her gorgeous? It’s a game, isn’t it? He’s not getting hurt like she is, so it’s okay. It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s _okay._

Gina ignores all that guilt that keeps eating her up and continues with her day. She keeps enjoying the conversations with him and the laughs they have together. At least, until the end of the day. Because she won’t let herself get hurt even more and she won’t let a boy stomp on her heart even more. Because that’s what it feels like. Every time her heart skips a beat because of Ricky Bowen, it is followed by an elephant stomp. It feels like an incredible pressure keeps being placed on her chest, or a baseball bat keeps repeatedly hitting the exact same spot. Each time more hurtful than the other.

(Gina had been enduring that blissful yet painful feeling because love can be wild and she experienced first-hand that it’s not beautiful. And, she knows it’s an unhealthy relationship. She had addressed it long ago. But was it wrong of her to want a little happiness amidst all the chaos in her life? Is it wrong to be ignorant to anything else and pretend to be loved? She just wanted some happiness, as temporary as it was. He gave her that happiness, because… because, Ricky Bowen is a light.)

She can ignore all that for the day and enjoy her last hours with him.

Ricky keeps stealing glances while they work together at the diner. A smile thrown at her every few seconds, a tug on her curls every time she passes by to collect an order.

He asks her to go to the skatepark after work and she agrees. It’s now or never. After work she would put a stop into whatever thing she has with Ricky.

Of course, it doesn’t work.

Ricky places his skateboard by his feet and holds both her hands, a smile forming on his face. “I’ve been trying to ask you this for days. Since the day we first kissed. Have thought about this even longer than that.” He grins widely, “will you be my girlfriend?” he asks.

_No,_ she wants to say.

“I know it’s cheesy to ask. I don’t even know who asks anymore. I tried to watch current movies and tv shows but they just start dating after a kiss but never ask each other. And how do they even know which kiss is right the kiss to start dating? That always confuses me.” He rambles on, voice progressively getting lower as he notices himself getting off track.

_No,_ she thinks.

“Yes,” she says. She knows it’s wrong. But her heart is beating wildly and Ricky’s smile is a making her legs weak. “I would love it,” she smiles.

She’s fucked. She’s selfish and she’s fucked.

Needless to say, EJ doesn’t approve of the news when he finds out at school the next day.

Gina doesn’t care, though. She is soaking up on happiness and rolling on clouds, and Ricky’s smile is like some form of ecstasy. She doesn’t care because love is weird and she is enjoying it. She never thought of Ricky Bowen as beautiful until she can’t do anything else but love him every time that she sees him. A few months ago, she could barely call him pretty, but right now, Gina is in love with the boy’s far too common highlighted curls, with his far too common eyes, with his far too common nose, with his far too common face, and his far too common smile. Okay _no_ , his smile is nowhere near common. His smile is so beautiful that it pulls her in every damn time. It gets her high, and dazed, and _giggly_ every; single; time.

Ricky Bowen is beautiful; Gina comes to notice. The boy has no sense of style (he is too basic and owns far too many white t-shirts to match with his three pairs of jeans), his tastes are far too predictable (he is in that group of people that thinks _Friends_ is the best sitcom to existence when it’s not even top 3), and he knows nothing about cuisine (the most he has experienced is eating jollof rice at school), and despite all that, Gina finds him beautiful, almost flawless.

It’s the way that he gets pouty when Gina jokes how he has been wearing the same outfit for the third time that week; it’s the way that he whines far too much when Gina changes the channel when she is at his house; it’s the way that his eyes widens and excitedly talks about the food of all the restaurants Gina takes him too. Every single action Ricky does, big or small, is endearing and therefore beautiful. Which Gina comes to the conclusion that Ricky Bowen is beautiful way past his looks.

Though Gina knows that 'everything beautiful is ruined eventually'.

It’s one day where is laying on Ricky’s bed, skimming through his magazines while he keeps poking her for attention that her blissful fairy tale comes crashing down and she is brought right back to reality in just one harsh tug.

He comes running into the room with his guitar in hand and taps Gina’s shoulder motioning for her to sit up next to him.

“I’ve been working on this song for a while,” he smiles, strumming a few chords on his guitar before adjusting himself on the bed.

****

**_❝On my pillow_ **

**_Can’t get me tired❞_ **

****

He starts, staring at his hands as he played his guitar. Gina instead stares at him waiting for the boy to look up. She is not really playing attention to the lyrics, all too focused on the moment at hand. Ricky playing guitar triggers something in her and she can’t help but stare at him wanting for him to finish in that exact moment.

**_❝How could I know_ **

**_One day I’d wake up feeling more_ **

**_But I had already reached the shore_ **

**_Guess we were ships in the night, night, night❞_ **

****

It’s like EJ’s voice is buzzing through her mind telling her that she is being used. Gina goes back to all those weeks, months ago where the two barely knew each other and Ricky only had one objective in mind. Get close to her so she would do him the favour of introducing him to her father.

**_❝We were ships in the night, night, night_ **

**_I’m wondering, are you my best friend?_ **

**_Feels like a river’s rushing through my mind_ **

**_I wanna ask you if this is all just in my head_ **

**_My heart is pounding tonight❞_ **

****

And all she hears is that stupid guitar string and that stupid voice, mind going a mile a minute to actually listen to and process the lyrics because this is whole situation is just stupid. She should’ve just asked Ricky for one of his shitty ass demos and gave it to her father. But now she is here at the final part of Ricky’s plan where she is being painted as a fool that is going to run to her daddy to sign her sweet boyfriend.

**_❝I wonder_ **

**_If you are too good to be true_ **

**_And would it be alright if I_ **

**_Pulled you closer❞_ **

****

Gina feels like something is stuck on her throat as Ricky looks at her with a smile on his face as he sings his last verse. She feels her eyes water but she blinks to not let a tear drop and smiles at the boy.

“What did you think?” He asks enthusiastically.

“It’s good,” she says.

“Oh,” he says, face falling a little. “Did you like it?”

“I did.”

“Is it not your style? It’s okay if it’s not your style.” He rushes.

“No, no. I liked it. It’s a very pretty song.” Even though Gina couldn’t even recall a single lyric from the song at this moment and it didn’t even matter.

“Oh, okay. I guess I was just expecting someth-… never mind, I’m just- thank you, I’m glad you liked it.” He smiles at her setting his guitar down on bed.

“Say, would you like to have dinner with me and my father? Saturday, maybe?”

“Oh! Your father? So soon?” she hums. “Okay.” He nods, whispering something inaudible to himself.

“Great.”

“Great,” he taps his legs. “Super great,” he clasps his hands together. “Meeting the father, daddio, Mr. Porter,” he sighs.

Under any other circumstances, Gina would’ve found the reaction cute and would giggle at it. But right now, her minded is clogged with senseless thoughts and all she can do is hold his hand and give him a shy smile.

The week goes by slow in Gina’s standard. She tries to spend less time with Ricky as inconspicuous as possible.

Although that only generates into getting more text messages that she leaves unread for as long as she can.

For a bigger headache, the talk with her father goes as well as she thought she would, still it ultimately leads to him agreeing for dinner with her and Ricky as she was hoping. Because the sooner she does this, the better. Of course.

Gina looks at herself in the mirror one more time and mimics a smile. Today is the day. Game over.

Gina feels like something is grasping her heart harder and harder as the seconds pass by and it has no intention of letting it go.

It’s amusing, really. A complete joke how much of the situation she really doesn’t have under control. If Gina has been comparing her life to a game, this is the part where she completely quits the game and immediately deletes it from her life. _Game over,_ she repeats it to herself.

Then she finds herself sitting on the round table of some mildly expensive restaurant in between Ricky and father. Conversation flowing awkwardly as each one of them fishes for a topic that would actually stick for the night.

“Ricky sings, by the way,” she says, straight to the point. The sooner she ends all this, the sooner she heals.

“Really?” he asks surprised.

Gina hums, “yeah, he sang me a song the other day. What was the name?”

“Sweet night.” Ricky smiles.

“It was beautiful, really. His voice is like honey,” she says, “why don’t you sing it a little?” She turns to him, and the boy widens his in shock.

“Here? Right now? I don’t have my guitar,” he says with a nervous tremble present on his voice.

“You can sing acapella,” her father adds.

“No, don’t worry. I chose this restaurant for a reason. Usually a live band plays during the weekends so I asked the owner earlier this week if you could sing a song.”

“Looks like you had all of this planned, Regina.” Her father smirks.

“Just looking after my boyfriend,” she holds Ricky’s hand, “just go on stage and do your thing.”

Ricky looks at her and nods. She looks at him walk to the stage and sitting on the stool with a guitar already in his hands. The latter closes his eyes and sighs to the microphone.

“Good night everybody. I’m Ricky Bowen.”

Then he starts singing just like that day in his bedroom. He stares at her as each word flows out of his mouth, and for those few minutes as they stare at each other, it feels exactly like just a few days ago. The buzzing feeling is back and her heart is being stomped, Ricky is looking so uncharacteristically beautiful in his element, and her vision gets blurry by the second with the tears she is refusing to shed.

“That was amazing,” her father says as they clap along with the audience. “Ricky, right?” he asks Ricky once the boy approaches the table. Ricky nods, “that’s a nice name for an artist.”

Ricky’s face lights up so prettily and Gina feels her hand being squeezed so gently only to finally notice Ricky’s had been holding her hand since he sat down.

They finish their desserts in silence, Ricky always holding her hand and leg casually bouncing underneath the table.

Once outside her father makes them wait a minute while he makes them a phone call, making Ricky’s hand sweat on hers. Ricky doesn’t say anything so Gina doesn’t dare to open her mouth also.

“Come by my label tomorrow so we can talk better. Is noon okay with you?” Ricky nods, the smile still so visibly present. “That’s great. I have business to attend to now, but it was nice meeting you Ricky.” Her father goes back to his phone call and Ricky gives out a shy wave.

When they see her father driving away, the two of them start walking in the opposite direction. In direction to the skatepark, Gina notices. And it’s all too ironic, where she first kissed him, where she first realised that she fell in love with him. Where it all started, is ending it all.

She feels something stuck on her throat, not really letting any words come out of her mouth as Ricky holds her hand and smiles blissfully. She hears him talk and laugh, and it’s as painful as it is beautiful. There’s no sound she hates the most in the moment than Ricky’s laugh. There’s also no sound she loves more in the moment than Ricky’s laugh.

The pathway to the skatepark seems longer than it ever has been and she doesn’t know why they’re going there in the first place.

(But she knows.

It’s Ricky’s safe place. And somewhere inside of her, as cruelly and fucked up as it might be, she wants to ruin that safe place like he ruined her walls and her heart.)

She doesn’t fully realise they’re there until Ricky steps in front of her and lifts her up in a warming hug. “This is the best day of my life, Gina,” he laughs, “it feels like a dream.”

Gina doesn’t reply and already feels the tears pricking her eyes. She won’t allow herself to cry because she knew what she got herself into all those months ago. Even if the moonlight hit Ricky’s curls so perfectly, his eyes holding a shine unique to him, a smile so electric that it still makes Gina want to smile back. She won’t allow herself to cry. Even if Ricky Bowen is looking much more than pretty. He is looking _beautiful_. She won’t allow herself to _cry_.

“Are you okay, princess?” he asks.

Gina almost gives in at that one nickname.

“I think we should end this.”

He takes a step back, shock and confusion evident on his face, “what?”

“We should break up.”

“Why?” Gina can see the tears forming in his eyes and she wants to laugh at him because shouldn’t even try to cry right now. He has no right to cry.

“You got the record deal. Isn’t that what you wanted?”

“What?”

“You approached me for my father, didn’t you?” She looks at him and takes a step forward. She won’t cry in front of Ricky because she won’t give him the satisfaction of him knowing that he hurt her. Gina can see that he wants to say something but she continues before he has the chance to. “Isn’t that what we were doing? I just wanted you to piss off my father and you wanted me to secure yourself a place in the music industry. There’s no reason to continue this fake relationship. The game was fun. Both of us pretending to like each other and fooling each other. But now you have an album in the works and I have absolutely no use for you since my father loves you.” She trails off, looking at Ricky’s devastated look just making her angrier. “Good thing we never caught feelings for each other. We can go back to the way we were before all this started. I was just a diamond princess and you’re what? A ragdoll? Was that what you said? Then what do you say, friends?”

No. Anything but that. She doesn’t want him as a friend and she hopes he denies her of that.

Ricky nods anyways, “we weren’t friends then, I don’t see why we would be friends now.”

Gina smiles, there’s that heart squeeze again, “nice playing with you, Bowen.”

“Likewise, Porter.”

Gina turns around and leaves, legs feeling heavier step by step, vision getting blurrier by the second, but she doesn’t dare herself to turn around even though she wants to see Ricky’s beauty one more time.

When she gets home, though, then she allows herself to cry all night.

**Author's Note:**

> song sang by ricky [sweet night](https://open.spotify.com/track/3ljnXq6R4tlsoLcR094nUI)
> 
> follow me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/cypherwylie) as i'm new to the fandom


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